War on Whimsy Read online

  "Remember when we picked up Shimlara before our last mission?" said Katie. "Georgio took a phone call and came back looking all serious. I wonder if that call has something to do with why they've gone missing."

  "That's a good point. I'd forgotten about that," said Nicola.

  Now Katie was showing her up. Nicola was suddenly filled with insecurity. Maybe she should ask the others if someone else would like to be leader this time? She was about to speak, when Tyler said, "Prepare for landing, folks. That's Globagaskar just to your right."

  Goodness. He sounded like he'd been piloting spaceships all his life. Everyone else was becoming more confident with each mission, whereas Nicola appeared to be losing confidence.

  As the spaceship raced through Globagaskar's glittering outer atmosphere, Nicola caught her first glimpse of the planet's two suns radiating beams of cherry-colored light across majestic snowcapped mountain ranges. She remembered her first trip into space, after Georgio had picked her as the Earthling Ambassador.

  Now Georgio was in trouble and he needed her help. Nicola took a deep, bracing breath. This was no time for insecurity. This was a time for action.

  After Tyler deftly landed the spaceship in the Gorgioskio backyard, they all went inside to look for Shimlara.

  As they walked into the strange, futuristic house with its circular rooms, confusing murals, and unfamiliar technology, Nicola realized she'd never been there before without the whole family. It seemed like any minute Georgio would surely come bounding down the hallway, or Mully would appear offering them cookies the size of dinner plates, or that Squid would run in, his security blanket clutched close, his thumb in his mouth.

  But this time the house was eerily silent.

  "I hope Shimlara hasn't disappeared now, too," said Nicola, as she pushed open the door of Shimlara's bedroom and found it empty. She realized her heart was beating fast.

  She walked into Georgio and Mully's room. Nothing. A curtain rippled in the breeze from an open window. Nicola shivered.

  Next was Squid's room. There was someone curled up in his bed.

  It was Shimlara. She had pulled her knees to her chest and was cuddling Squid's ragged, old, blue blanket. Her face was puffy from crying. Her long, dark, curly hair was a tangled mess. When she saw the Space Brigade all gathered at the bedroom door, she sat up and carefully adjusted the gold button hanging around her neck.

  "Please help me find them," she said.

  CHAPTER 4

  First Shimlara showed them what she'd discovered so far.

  There was the tray bobbing around in the pool with the half-drunk cups of tea and a cookie with a single bite taken from it. "Dad would never leave an almond cookie like that," said Shimlara. "Unless something really terrible happened to interrupt him.

  There was the piece of torn notepaper Shimlara had found lying in the backyard, in Georgio's handwriting. It said, HELP, SHIML--as if he'd been interrupted.

  There was the fact that the Gorgioskios's aero-car was still sitting in the garage.

  And there was Squid's security blanket, which was really the most compelling evidence of all.

  "They don't go anywhere without Squid's blanket," said Shimlara.

  "Maybe your parents decided it was time he grew out of it," said Greta. Shimlara just stared Greta down until she muttered, "Or maybe not."

  Now they were all sitting around the Gorgioskio dining-room table, trying desperately to think of what to do next.

  "I've called every single person Mom and Dad know," said Shimlara. "None of them have any ideas. One of Dad's friends at the university muttered something like, 'I told him not to get involved.' When I asked him what he meant, he hung up."

  "I wonder if--" said Nicola. She stopped, trying to piece her thoughts together. She was thinking about the circumstances that had led to her first meeting the Gorgioskio family. The king and queen of Globagaskar had gone on vacation, leaving their daughter, Princess Petronella, in charge. Unfortunately, Princess Petronella had taken it upon herself to turn Earth into a giant garbage can. That's when Georgio and Mully set up the Save the Little Earthlings Committee.

  "Maybe Georgio and Mully are trying to help another planet," said Nicola. "Like they helped Earth. Have they talked about anything like that lately?"

  "They're always trying to help other planets. I zone out. I'm not really into current affairs.They go on about injustice. It's so boring." Shimlara suddenly looked embarrassed. "Although of course it wasn't boring when they were trying to save Earth. That was different. That was really interesting."

  "Your parents are good people," said Katie to Shimlara. "They're an inspiration!"

  Shimlara nodded miserably. "They even won this award for 'Services to the Galaxy' from the United Aunts." She pointed out a big gold plaque hanging on the wall, engraved with Georgio and Mully's names. "It's a really big deal."

  "Who are the United Aunts?" asked Nicola.

  "It's a universal organization of wise aunts," explained Shimlara. "There are representative aunts from every planet. Their goal is to 'encourage peace and love and good manners throughout the galaxy.' "

  "It must be like the United Nations on Earth," said Tyler. "Except, um, without the aunts."

  "Mom and Dad were so thrilled to get to shake hands with the aunts," said Shimlara. "I should have been more excited for them. I was saying, 'Who cares about some boring old aunts?' And they were so excited for me just because I won third place in a spelling bee!"

  "Maybe your parents keep some paperwork about the different causes they're involved with?" suggested Nicola, anxious to change the subject as Shimlara was looking so upset and guilty.

  Shimlara stood and they all looked up at her. When she was sitting down, Nicola forgot that Shimlara was as tall as a basketball player. It gave her a start. Yet on Globagaskar, Shimlara was the shortest girl in her class.

  "Dad has a file he calls the Outrage File," said Shimlara. "It's filled with newspaper clippings. Mom won't let him read it after ten PM because he gets himself into such a state he can't sleep. I'll get it. Maybe there will be some clues."

  She left the room. Sean looked longingly at the gold hutch sitting in the middle of the table. It was a common Globagaskarian appliance called the Telepathy Chef. You used mental telepathy to order the food you wanted.

  "Maybe we could get the Telepathy Chef to make us some pizza," said Sean.

  "It might not be polite," said Katie regretfully.

  "Shimlara won't mind," said Sean.

  He closed his eyes. They all watched him lick his lips as he presumably thought hard about pizza. He opened his eyes and pressed the button on the Telepathy Hutch. Seconds later, a tray slid out.

  "That doesn't even look edible," said Greta.

  It was a dish of what appeared to be snowballs sprinkled with grass clippings.

  "Were you thinking about snow?" asked Nicola.

  "No! I was thinking about how the best pizza we'd ever had was on the planet of Shobble, on that snowy mountain--" Sean stopped. "Okay, maybe I thought briefly about snow!"

  "Were you thinking about grass clippings, too?" said Tyler.

  "No! I was thinking about a pizza I had one day after I mowed--"

  "The lawn," finished Katie.

  Sean banged his forehead against the table. "That machine is faulty."

  Shimlara walked back in lugging an enormous file brimming with newspaper clippings.

  "Oh, sorry, are you guys hungry?" she said. "What's that supposed to be?"

  "Pizza," answered Nicola.

  Shimlara blinked once and pressed the button on the Telepathy Chef. Three trays slid out in quick succession, each containing a delicious-looking pizza.

  "How did you do that?" asked Sean.

  "You've just got to focus," said Shimlara. "Now speaking of focusing, do you think we could focus on finding my family?"

  "Sorry," said everyone guiltily, as they all avoided one another's eyes and helped themselves to slices of pizza.
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  "Hey!" said Sean suddenly, with his mouth full of pizza. "You know how you can read minds on Globagaskar?"

  "Yes," said Shimlara.

  The people of Globagaskar were able to read minds and project their voices into other people's brains. Fortunately, it was considered bad manners to read someone else's mind except in dire circumstances.

  "Well, why don't you just read your mom or dad's mind and find out where they are!" said Sean, obviously thrilled with his own genius.

  Shimlara rolled her eyes. "Do you think I wouldn't have done that already if it was possible? You need to be able to see someone's face before you can read their mind."

  "Just a thought," said Sean, deflated.

  Shimlara put the file she was holding on the table. "Everyone take a few clippings and see what you can find."

  Nicola grabbed a handful and spread them out in front of her. She read: PLANET OF GROON BANS ALL FORMS OF SMILING

  King of Groon speaks his mind: "What can I say? Smiles bug me."

  FLOODS ON PLANET OF ARTH

  Arth-Creatures may be extinct if nothing is done, states Environmental Czar.

  VOLCOMANIA DECLARES WAR ON THE PLANET OF WHIMSY

  "The Planet of Whimsy must be taught a lesson!" thunders President Mania.

  PLANET OF DUMPWOOD BANS REFUGEES FROM GROON

  "It's not our problem they're not allowed to smile on their stupid planet," proclaims Prime Minister.

  Oh dear. There were so many planets that needed help. How could they possibly work out which one had taken Georgio and Mully's interest?

  Nicola took another bite of her (perfect) pizza and the name Gorgioskio caught her eye on one of the clippings.

  She read quickly.

  LOCAL RESIDENTS FIGHT FOR GROON'S RIGHT TO SMILE!

  Georgio and Mully Gorgioskio have started a new committee called SAVE THE SMILE ON GROON. They have sent a petition to the king of Groon. The king's response was swift: "Mind your own beeswax."

  "Listen to this!" she went to say to the others, but Tyler got in first.

  "I've got it!" He began to read from one of the clippings. "Intergalactic activists Georgio and Mully are at it again. This time they're taking on the Planet of Finbat, where the government has decided to only allow workers a day off once every three years. 'This is an absolute outrage,' said Mully Gorgioskio. 'We've started a committee called Help Finbat's Overworked Workers.'"

  Tyler looked up from his article. "Maybe their disappearance has got something to do with the government of Finbat."

  "But listen to this!" said Katie. "This time those well-meaning Gorgioskios have gone too far.They have started a committee called Save the Arth-Creatures. Arth-Creatures are deadly, ugly, ill-mannered creatures that love nothing more than snacking on tasty humans. Yet the Gorgioskios are bent on saving them. 'We should do everything in our power to stop the extinction of any species,' bleated bleeding heart Mully Gorgioskio. This journalist's humble opinion: Save the Arth-Creatures by feeding them two tasty morsels: Georgio and Mully Gorgioskio."

  "That's an awful thing to say," said Shimlara. Her face was pale. "You don't think that journalist has--"

  "Of course not," said Nicola. "The journalist was trying to be funny."

  "Your parents have got so many causes," said Sean."They're like superheroes of the galaxy!" He paused. "Except without the superpowers."

  "Yeah, they're great, although I'm not sure it's absolutely necessary to save the Arth-Creatures," said Greta. "They tried to eat us!"

  "Anyway," said Nicola decisively. "This isn't getting us anywhere. All we've learned from this is that your parents are involved with a lot of different causes."

  "So what next?" said Shimlara. "Do we just give up?"

  "No way!" said Nicola. "We don't give up. We--" She searched her mind desperately for something they could do next.

  She was interrupted by a sound from outside the house. They all looked at one another.

  "Maybe the kidnappers have come back to get me," said Shimlara.

  Suddenly she leaped to her feet.

  "Come and get me, whoever you are!" she yelled. "I don't care! I'm in--"

  Sean jumped up on a chair so he was high enough to slap his hand over her mouth. "You can't help your family if you're kidnapped, too!"

  Shimlara's eyes rolled around angrily, but she nodded, pushing away his hand.

  There was definitely something going on outside the house. It sounded like footsteps. Actually, it sounded like an army of footsteps.

  "Where are those Micro Mirth Missiles?" whispered Nicola to Sean.

  Sean quickly pulled out a pack of miniature rocket-shaped objects from his backpack and opened it up. He handed a missile to each person. "Just pull on the wire at the back and throw."

  There was an enormous crash. A gust of air rushed through the house.

  "I think they've kicked down the front door," whispered Shimlara.

  There was the sound of heavy boots running through the house. Nicola swallowed a scream as she and the Space Brigade stood up and backed themselves up against a wall, their Micro Missiles held aloft.

  Suddenly the room was filled with giant men dressed entirely in black.

  CHARTER 5

  "Throw your missiles!" shouted Nicola.

  Her hands shook as she pulled the wire from her own missile and threw it hard at the intruders. It bounced off one of the men's elbows. He glanced down and frowned.

  The rest of the Space Brigade threw their missiles at almost the same time. The missiles didn't explode. They rolled harmlessly around on the floor. There was no smoke. Nicola saw one of the men kick curiously at one of the missiles with the side of his big black boot.

  Were they broken? Had they ever worked?

  There was silence. It was bizarre. The giant men weren't doing anything. They stood very still, as if at attention, their chests inflated, their faces like granite.

  The Space Brigade huddled together, staring up at them.

  The men stared back.

  And then suddenly, amazingly, Nicola saw their mouths begin to twitch. Broad smiles crept across their faces.

  They're making fun of us, thought Nicola.

  The men began to choke and sputter, their huge shoulders shaking, as if they were kids trying not to giggle in class. A gale of laughter swept the room. The men were overcome with it. Tears of joy slid down their red, scrunched-up faces. One by one, their knees buckled and they fell to the floor, shaking all over with laughter.

  They think we're ridiculous, thought Nicola bitterly.

  She watched one of them crawl over to a Mirth Missile, examine it, and then throw back his head and laugh even harder, as if he'd never see anything so funny in his entire life. Suddenly she thought, You fool! They're not laughing at us! They're laughing because the Mirth Missiles have WORKED!

  Nicola turned to tell the others that now that the intruders were disabled by laughter, it was time to escape, but before she had a chance to speak, she was struck by just how extremely funny it was that she'd thought the intruders were laughing at them.

  She began to giggle helplessly. She saw the rest of the Space Brigade was laughing, too. Shimlara pressed her fists hard into her cheeks.Tyler and Sean seemed to have turned to jelly and were trying to hold each other up. Greta and Katie were pointing at each other and laughing hysterically.

  Oh dear, thought Nicola, the Mirth Missiles are affecting us, too. They're useless weapons! Which, when you think about it, is pretty funny.

  Nicola found herself lying on the floor, roaring with laughter. Next to her one of the intruders was facedown, hitting the floor with his fist as he cackled.

  Suddenly a cranky voice boomed across the room. "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?"

  It was a familiar voice.

  Nicola lifted her head.

  A girl was standing in the middle of the room, her hands on her hips, looking disgusted. She was wearing a beautiful green satin dress with gold embroidery, although Nicola not
iced one of the sleeves was carelessly ripped. A tiara sat lopsided on her curly red hair.

  "Princess--" said Nicola. She was laughing so hard she could hardly get the words out. "Princess Petronella."

  "What's so funny?" demanded the princess.

  The laughing continued.

  "Do I have food in my teeth?" The princess pulled off her tiara and held it up to her face, grimacing at her reflection. This caused a fresh gale of laughter.

  "What?" Princess Petronella stamped her foot in frustration. "Just tell me what's so funny!"

  Nobody answered. They were too busy laughing.

  But Nicola could feel the funniness seeping away.

  Sure it was funny, but it wasn't hilarious.

  The shrieks of laughter were replaced by sniggers and snickers, chuckles and chortles.

  Actually, it wasn't even that funny at all.

  The effect of the Mirth Missiles was wearing off.

  The room became silent, except for the sound of people clearing their throats. Slowly everyone got to their feet, shamefaced and avoiding one another's eyes.

  "My sincere apologies, Princess Petronella," said one of the men. "They attacked us with Mirth Missiles. Those weapons should be banned. They destroy dignity like that!"

  He snapped his fingers to demonstrate and looked accusingly at the Space Brigade.

  "Well, excuse me, but you were the ones knocking down our front door!" responded Shimlara.

  "Yes, I am, ah, regretful, about that," said Princess Petronella. (Nicola remembered how horrified Princess Petronella's parents had been when they heard her use the word sorry. Apparently Globagaskarian royalty weren't meant to use language like that.) "Mom and Dad insisted I bring along the palace guards. The guards think that's how you open doors--by kicking them down."

  "Is there another way?" said a confused voice from the back of the room.

  "Why are you here, Princess Petronella?" said Shimlara.

  "Just a moment," said Princess Petronella. She clapped her hands. "Guards! Wait for me outside!"

  The room emptied in seconds. It was like a forest had suddenly cleared.